Regret
by Sophia.Love.Linstead
Summary: Erin has regrets after breaking up with Jay in the locker room, she goes to his apartment to make it right. Set season 2.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: Me again... I don't know where these keep coming from lol**

Regret

I stare at Jay's door, my hand rising to knock three times before I finally do.

It's been a week since we ended things in the locker room; Jay phrased it as; 'we'll cool it'. But we know what this is, a break up.

"Erin?" Jay's shock is clear when he opens the door.

"Hey." I whisper at me, trying to smile. We've fallen back into a pattern at work however have been avoiding each other outside of work, not ready to forget the past couple of months ever happened.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just came for my stuff." I hold up a box and Jay's eyes can't conceal his hurt.

"Oh… come in." I nod slowly, fighting back tears as I follow him inside.

"You going out?" I look him up and down noting his jeans and a shirt, different than what he wore to work.

"Yeah. I'm meeting someone."

"Oh." I turn my head so he can't see the look on my face; I swallow back a sob as I think who this someone could be.

"Maybe I should come back… it's not important." I turn to leave but Jay stops me.

"Erin, it's fine. I've got some time." I nod slowly before looking over at Jay's bedroom; feeling like the bed is calling for me and wishing I could give in.

I take a deep breath before I make my way towards his room, my eyes on the bed where I'm reminded of the night we finally gave in to our feelings and desires.

The night Jay helped me experience the most intense orgasm of my life, the night filled with the most pleasure I've ever had.

I open the bedside drawer on the left, the side I always slept on feeling Jay's eyes on me as he watches from the doorway.

I pull out the few items of clothes I had in there, my fingers wrap around small pieces of paper and I feel my throat become tight with sorrow.

My eyes gloss over as I look down at the fortune cookie prophecies, a token from our first official date together.

I bite my lip as my eyes catch sight of the frame sitting by the bed; shocked to see Jay hasn't moved it.

It's a picture we took at the park one lazy Sunday afternoon as we had a picnic, enjoying the sun and each others company before coming home to make love and lay in bed until Monday morning reality hit again.

I drop down onto the bed softly, the frame in my hands and my fingers trailing over our smiling faces.

I wipe away a tear as I hear Jay's footsteps grow distant listening as he walks back into the living room and I pause when I hear talking.

"Hey, I'm going to have to reschedule tonight."

"Something came up. I'm really sorry."

"I'll make it up to you… you can count on it. See ya, Sara." A million thoughts race through my head, from who was he talking to, to why is he cancelling.

Fear grips my heart when I realize it could have been a date.

I stand up as his footsteps come back and I walk into the bathroom, box in hand as I open the cabinet and pull my cosmetics out.

"Erin, you okay?" Jay's standing at the bathroom door and I shake my head.

"No." I whisper harshly.

"What's going on?"

"I'm lying… Who am I kidding? All of this could have been thrown away." I throw the box to the tiles before turning to Jay.

"I don't know how to do this Jay." My voice breaks as tears fall.

"What?"

"Go back. How do I go from having you… to not having you? To sleeping in your arms, to waking up alone? I've been alone my whole life…" Sobs escapes my lips as Jay takes a hesitant step forward, but not reaching out for me.

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

"Erin, you made the decision. I was going to come clean with Hank, be damned with the consequences."

"I regret it." The words barely make it out through the sobs.

I take desperate steps towards Jay before joining our lips, my hands finding the back of his neck.

He instantly kisses me back, our lips moving against each other's as we taste the salt from my tears.

"Erin." Jay pushes me back before running a hand through his hair.

"I can't keep doing this. You're either in or you're out. I'm not going to give in to one night because you're upset, only to regret it tomorrow."

I turn away from him, rejection stinging as more tears fall.

"Have you moved on?" I whisper, gasping for air through my sobs.

"What?" Jay's voice is shocked by my question.

"Whose Sara?" I turn to face him again.

"A friend."

"Just a friend?" My voice is pleading.

"It's been a week Erin, I'm completely in love with you. You think I could go out and move on that quickly? She's _just_ a friend."

"What did you just say?" My hazel eyes wide.

Jay's own blue eyes widen when he plays back what he said.

"Nothing." Jay turns to walk away from me and makes it to the kitchen.

"Say it again." I demand again, pulling him around to face me.

His eyes are full of anger as he pushes me against the wall, his body trapping mine. His lips crash down, his tongue slipping in my mouth as my hands come up to run through his hair.

The kiss is full of anger and regret, passion coursing through my body. His hands hook under my thighs, lifting me and turning to place me on the kitchen bench.

My legs wrap around him as I pull him closer, hands running through his hair. His hands are moving under my shirt and over my smooth skin, leaving goosebumps in his path.

Jay pulls away suddenly, turning his back to me. My lips are swollen, pants falling through my mouth as I stare at his back.

"Erin, I'm not doing this okay? Why did you even come here tonight?"

"To see you… I miss you." I admit quietly sliding off the bench.

"What do you _want_ Erin?"

"I want you Jay. Just you."

"Well if you want me you need to tell Hank, I'm not sneaking around or being some casual fling. Your choice."

"I'm scared." I whisper, a shake in my voice.

"Of what?"

"I'm loyal to Hank because he's family and he saved my life. I know I have his love no matter what… but you? That's taking a risk. What if it doesn't work out, the more I get to know you the more I'll love you and if this blows up in our face I'll be more heartbroken. So I used Hank as an excuse, I used my career as an excuse to run away. I pushed you away in fear for what we could become. I figured having you in my life as a partner and friend was safe… but I didn't know I couldn't go back."

"You can't hide from love Erin, if you don't take a chance you won't ever be happy. Being in a relationship is a risk, but what's you're alternative? Always wondering what if?"

"You're right. It's why I came over with some pathetic excuse tonight…"

"Why did you cancel meeting your friend?" I ask quietly.

"You came for your stuff. That seemed like a clear indicator we were really over. Wouldn't really be up for much after that."

"Say it again." I whisper pleadingly as I step forward, sure he knows what I'm referring to.

"I love you." A smile appears on his face as he takes a step forward and our chests are touching.

"I love you too." I'm smiling until our lips meet again, this time slow and full of longing and love.

His hands tangle in my hair as he angles my head back, gaining a better angle to slip his tongue in my mouth.

 **A/N: Happy to do a part 2 with smut and telling Hank about them. Let me know if you're keen?**

 **Review :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews! Sorry to keep you waiting so long...**

 **Someone reviewed three times, I figure third times the charm right? lol But seriously, I am sorry I've been slack.**

 **Enjoy :)**

Regret – Part Two

Erin POV

 _Previously_

 _"Say it again." I whisper pleadingly as I step forward, sure he knows what I'm referring to._

 _"I love you." A smile appears on his face as he takes a step forward and our chests are touching._

 _"I love you too." I'm smiling until our lips meet again, this time slow and full of longing and love._

 _His hands tangle in my hair as he angles my head back, gaining a better angle to slip his tongue in my mouth._

I moan as he sucks gently on my tongue, my own hands running up under his shirt feeling his muscles beneath my fingertips.

He pulls away to remove his shirt, his hands cupping my cheeks.

"You sure about this Erin?"

"I've never been so sure of anything."

"Because once we do this, I won't go back. I can't go back."

"I already can't go back Jay. I _promise_ I'll be here in the morning, without a single regret." His lips brush against mine gently in reward, he pulls back to search my face with his eyes.

His stare is so intense it's almost as if he's memorizing my face, fear that this won't last.

"You'll tell Hank?" There is no hesitation in my voice when I answer.

"Tomorrow." His lips are back on mine fiercely; I'm clawing at his back trying to savor the feeling after all this time apart.

My body hums with excitement, the electricity surrounding us erupting goosebumps on my body.

I'm walking Jay back to his bedroom as his hands remove my shirt; his hands then grab my thighs so my legs are wrapped around his waist.

He spins around to continue on his path to the bedroom, our lips won't leave each others for a second.

I sigh blissfully when my back hits the bed, Jay's body still pressed against mine on the gentle fall back onto the pillows.

Our lips only parted for a moment, seeking each other's out instantly.

Jay's scent is making it hard for me to think straight but I recall the longing I felt to fall into bed with Jay when I showed up tonight. I remember the pull towards the bed, in the end the calling was too great to deny.

We'll always end up together.

Happiness fills me upon the realization, we're meant to be. I giggle against his lips, truly appreciating feeling nothing but happiness for once.

Jay's resting between my legs as I squirm around under him, his hand cups my face briefly before running down to caress my thigh.

He pulls away, sitting back on his knees to unclip his belt buckle before coming back down.

My hands are on his face, lips pressing urgently against his.

"I love you Erin." He's pulling away to whisper, my hands desperately pulling his face back to mine.

"I love you too. Now shut up and kiss me." We're both chuckling as his lips find mine again, my hands pushing down his jeans and boxers the best I can.

I hook my feet on the pants to continue pushing down his legs, when they are at his feet he awkwardly kicks them off.

I'm giggling again, the sound strange to my own ears. Before Jay I would never giggle or laugh during sex, it was always hurried and rush. Full of lust but never passion or love. It was a means to an end.

With Jay, he truly appreciates every part of me. We're making love and I can't get enough.

"You're wearing too many clothes." His lips are trailing down my neck, his scruff against my skin causing me to shiver.

"Well you better fix that." I reply with a husky voice.

His teeth nip softly on my neck, his erection against my aching core causing me to shudder.

He pulls me up enough to reach around and unclasp my bra with only one hand before letting me fall back on the bed. His hands slip the bra off as he looks down at me, hazel eyes meeting blue.

My chest is heaving, the intense look in his eyes shooting right to my throbbing pussy.

His head comes forward, warmth surrounding my nipple as I throw my head back.

I'm squirming on the bed beneath him, his manhood rubbing against my wet pussy. My nails dig into his biceps, trying to wish away the barrier so he can fill me.

My hips jerk as he pulls the nipple with his teeth, the pleasure surpassing any pain. My hands tangle in his hair as he moves to my other nipple, causing the same sensations to fly through me again.

I'm panting when he trails kissed down my exposed stomach, his tongue darting out to taste my skin along the way.

Anticipation builds the want pooling in my belly as his fingers unclip my jeans. His blue eyes look up at me as he pulls them down, along with my panties.

My heart thumping rapidly is the only sound I can hear in the apartment as his fingertips gently brush over my shins. My breath hitches when they make it up to my inner thighs before he pulls away.

His hands wrap around my left ankle, lips trailing kissed up the inside of my leg teasing his way to my aching core.

Warm breath and his scruff are driving me crazy, my hands wrapping tightly around the comforter.

Moans fall through my lips as he reaches the area begging for attention, he places a kiss there gently. Just the small pressure causing my hips to jerk.

His tongue darts out along the entrance, tasting my arousal.

He grabs my knees with his hands and brings them up so my feet are flat against the bed, he pushes them far apart. His eyes are silently ordering me to keep them there.

The moment his fingers are running along my slit my knees coming crashing together, catching Jay between them.

"Jay." I pant, the time we spent apart only adding to my aroused state.

My eyes are closed tightly so I can't see the look on his face.

When his fingers finally slip in, my knees still hold him in a vice like grip.

I'm thrashing on the bed as he pumps them into me, not needing much encouragement to reach my orgasm.

Just when I'm ready to come his fingers withdraw, his lips taking over seamlessly.

His lips on my clit is all I need to send me flying.

I'm still riding out my orgasm as his penis pushes in; his lips are on mine instantly giving me a taste of my juices.

My tongue slips into his mouth as he stills inside of me, I readjust my legs so he can push in further.

We're rocking against each other, my hands on his neck soaking up the pleasure rolling through our bodies.

His thrusts are deep and controlled, pushing me closer to another release.

I move to wrap my legs around his waist, urging his speed to increase.

My hands slide around to his back, his back muscles flexing underneath my searching hands.

I'm moaning with each thrust into me, Jay's lips pull from mine as our foreheads touch.

We're both panting, struggling to gasp in needed air as his hands run up my sides.

His finger tips are brushing gently over the curve of my breasts, I'm moving my hips frantically against Jay's begging for release.

Jay explodes inside of me, his cheek resting against mine. He pumps a few more times before another orgasm hits.

* * *

I stir awake the next morning to the soothing affects of fingers running through my hair.

"Morning beautiful." Jay whispers as his lips press a kiss to my forehead gently.

I moan into his bare chest, a smile covering my face. Having the knowledge I'm exactly where I belong.

"Morning." I mumble sleepily.

"I could do this forever." Jay's voice is soft, flecks of fear in it.

"What?" I tilt my head back, trying to blink away the last remains of sleep.

"Love you." I bite my lip gently.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, go to sleep by you every night and wake up to you every morning." His voice is still a quiet whisper.

"It's a nice thought." I whisper back, finger trips tracing patterns on his chest.

"Yeah."

"I could too, you know?" He narrows his eyes; I give him a soft smile before continuing.

"Love you forever." We meet with an open mouth kiss.

"I think you should grow a beard." My hand reaches up to scratch his scruff lightly.

"Oh, do you now?"

"Yeah. I like when you stopped shaving..." He kisses away my pout.

"You look really sexy with it too. Well sexier." I continue with a smirk.

"Is that so?"

"Mmm hmm. You're practically irresistible."

"But then we'd never leave the bedroom."

"I'm okay with that." I giggle playfully.

"It's hard enough now, because my girlfriend is so irresistible. Beautiful, gorgeous, sexy…"

"Girlfriend?" I bite my lip, a smile breaking through.

"Yeah. At least I hope so."

"I like the sound of that." We kiss softly.

"I'm sorry Jay."

"For what?"

"For choosing Hank and my career. I was scared… but all I wanted to do was fall into your arms. But I didn't know how to rely on you. Even though I've been relying on you since the day we met, I just didn't know it."

We kiss again, his tongue slipping into my mouth as his hand cups my cheek.

"I'm going to tell Hank today." I whisper, our noses brushing.

"Thank you." He sounds relieved.

"I told you Jay, no regrets."

"Good."

"I'm really happy Jay, it's a new feeling for me. I don't want to lose it… lose you."

"You won't. Not ever."

* * *

"I'm coming in with you." Jay gives my hand one final squeeze before dropping it as we enter the district.

"What? Don't trust me?" I wink over at him playfully.

"We both broke his rules, we can face him together." I only nod as we scan in; I'm relieved when no one else is here yet.

Hank looks up as we approach his office.

"Hey Hank, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?" He's looking between us, a frown on his face.

"We know you know about us. You made it pretty obvious last week." I cut to the chase.

"I don't like having to repeat myself."

"No, what you don't like is me with Jay." I fire back, calling his bullshit.

"Plenty of guys out there."

"You can't help who you fall in love with." Shock covers his face.

"Love? I was under the impression you stopped that nonsense last week."

"That was my decision, one I regret. So I fixed things last night."

"Voight, we're together." Jay's voice is firm as he stares Hank down.

"Erin, you're out." I scoff at him.

"Sir, respectfully I'll step down. I love Erin, I always will. So if I gotta leave the unit to be with her, I'll do it." I look at Jay shocked.

"No, you won't. Hank what is your problem with Jay? If it was anyone else and I worked with him, you'd give it a pass. I bet if I was a guy you would too… none of this 'playing house' sexist crap."

"No, I don't tolerate in house romances."

"But you pardoned Burgess and Ruzek. Both of who are officers, and while they are good police Jay and I have done our time. We worked our asses off to make Detective, to make it into this unit. But now, we can be happy."

"There will be too much personal stuff at work."

"No, there won't. We can be professional; you didn't even know we were together at first. Did it ever affect the work?" I cross my arms.

"Hank, we've built our partnership up on trust and friendship then acted on our feelings. We fell in love, but we always have our partnership to fall back on. We're meant to be, I feel it." I reach out to grab Jay's hand, smiling softly as his words.

"Besides, don't talk to us about personal. You drag the team into personal shit all the time." My hazel eyes are full of fire.

"So you're telling me if I make you choose between Jay and this unit, you'll choose?"

"Jay." His name falls through my lips before Hank can finish his sentence.

"And you love him?"

"More than anything. Certainly more than I ever thought possible. I'm happy Hank… actually happy."

"Okay kid. Don't let me see any personal drama here." Hank dismisses us and we stand there still for a moment.

"What?"

"I don't want to lose you Erin, besides all I want is you happy. You're standing here fighting for it, so I know you're serious. We'll see how it goes."

"Thank you Hank."

"Thanks Sarge."

We walk out of the office and to my desk, I sit on the chair and Jay perches on the edge of the desk.

"Wow, that went surprisingly well." I mutter quietly.

"Yeah." Jay shakes his head clearly shocked.

"You know what this means?" I raise an eyebrow.

"What?" He questions with a chuckle.

"Now that Hank knows, we can take some personal time and go away."

"I can take you to my grandfathers cabin."

"Road trip sounds fun." I'm smiling up at him.

"Maybe, if you let me drive."

"We'll see. Depends what I get out of it." Jay's eyes are full of sexual promise.

"Oh, sounds like it will be a fun weekend." I wink at him.

 **A/N: What do we think? Did I do okay? Was it worth the wait?**

 **Review :)**

 **Fate and Finding Comfort in you is next... then likely finding my way back to you.**


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